Caterpillar

If you've never experienced any kind of struggle or breaking point in your life, you will not fuck with this project. This project is based on the Generation Y creative who dreams higher than they can reach, who wants more than they can handle, who is learning and hurting, yet pursuing. This project is the reality of our uncomfortable placement in the world right now; our limbo, our in-between, our cocoon.

 

Often times we dream of what we want without considering how much sacrifice it takes. I wanted to leave Cali and renew. I became desensitized by the overly dramatic people, sunshine and forced smiles. But New York was cold, and it changed me. It sucked all the sweetness from my soul fruit. Now, all that remains is faith in God and hope for a brighter day.

 

I know my wings are coming, and I'm faithful. I know it's not for nothing, so I'm hopeful. But I can't lie— it's hard out here, my nigga.

cold.

'cause when I come thru,

I'm taking everything.

& when I come thru,

replacing every queen.

look, when I come thru,

better hope you on my team,

or better get your shit seen

'fore I show up on the scene.

I ain't stopping 'till my pockets

full of green

and I'm rocking

seventeen

million fans in the stands

'cuz the flow's so mean.

they wanna know, yo,

how I get the dough, yo.

i tell them niggas, 'no no,

you don't need to know nothing.'

I'm losing my mind,

losing all the control in me.

losing the last

little bit of the soul in me.

soul was the only thing that was gold in me,

but niggas don't respect that shit.

tried to be humble,

but I had to forget that shit,

'cause she gon' treat you like a sucker 

till you check that bitch,

and he gon treat you like a bitch

until you show him who the realest is.

niggas tryna act like they ain't feeling this.

 

.... muhfuckas better get them bars ready.

caterpillar kids.

so, believe it or not, my music doesn't pay me well at all, and I actually have to have a day job in order to support myself (*sarcastic voice*). I'm a trapstar by night, but during the day I work as a substitute teacher with kids ages 3 months - 4 years old. I love it, actually. it's building my patience & also helping me understand the fundamentals of human beings. plus I get to sit around and play with toys all day. 

anyway, I had some of my preschoolers draw caterpillars today. they came out pretty awesome. thought I'd share. 

 

image.jpg
image.jpg
image.jpg

it's something about art that keeps the light on for me. 

 

- I.E. 

happy birthday, momma.

to the woman that taught me to be a woman, to the woman that taught me strength, to the one that is constant, the one that is genuine, the woman that every woman should attempt to emulate, happy birthday.

my mother is my best friend. she is my light, she's my necessity. I thank God every day for you. If I ever get to be just a fraction of what you are, then I'd be everything I dreamed to be.

 

love you, mommie! 

 

-I.E. 

disclaimer.

one of my favorite theater teachers always taught me not to use disclaimers before presenting work. he said, "let people see your art as it is, flaws & all. 9 times out of 10, they'll think it was planned." so I vowed to keep my art raw, & to leave the interpretation up to the interpreter. but see, often times I contradict myself, & this is one of those times. 

DISCLAIMER:

while reading this blog, please understand that my current state of mind is not my natural state of being. I'm in the lowest place I've been in a while. I'm far from home in this cold ass town, I'm all alone in this cold ass room, my money's not right, my mind's not right, and if that ain't enough, the only person I thought understood it all lost faith in me... & in us. anyway, I cry everyday, I cry in the middle of sentences, I'm just all fucked up right now lol. not sure why I wrote "lol" tho, 'cause I'm dead serious. God is the only thing that keeps me going. I thank Him that I'm still alive and that the people I love are alive & well .. that let's me know better days are coming. but as of now, my heart is cracked and cold, and writing is the only thing that seems to bring me peace.

so take that into consideration, and just give me time. soon enough, I'll be that butterfly, I'll grow them wings, but as of now, I'm just here inching along.

-I.E.

 

it's all about forward thinking.

what's beautiful and what sucks about 2015 is that everybody & their mama thinks it's their year. I think the same thing, though, and it's nothing wrong with this. We should all be motivated by a new year. But it's something about 2015 that has people thinking that since they've worked hard thus far, and since they continue to grind, that magically, this will be the year that it all comes together. 

but the fact of the matter is, if you don't make this year your year, then you'll be chilling in December talking 'bout, "damn, time flew by hella fast." in order for us to be successful in any way this year, we have to get out IN THESE STREETS and make it happen. 2015 is not the year of the tweeter. there's a physical world out there that we have to attack.

so that's one thing. you gotta actually do the work. but the other issue, and maybe the most important one, is that since everyone thinks this will be their year, then that means you have to work even harder than the next man. everyone can't win the same race. there's first, there's second, and the rest don't count. so there's no time for stagnancy. you better have a plan.

A PLAN. oh, the importance of a plan. if you think back to your most successful times, I'm sure there were plans involved. get together with your team and come up with something concrete.(as I'm writing this, I'm realizing this post is really to myself, haha. but I hope one of you will take something from it.)

all I'm tryna say is... if you want to win this race, go about 10x harder than you're going right now, and you might get second. 

...'cause I got first. [:

- I.E.

kryptonite video

we shot the video to Kryptonite yesterday. first of all, can't even begin to explain how thrilled I am about this, not only because I haven't had a video in forever (2 years, literally), but because the shit really came out awesome. I got to see some of the takes and I'm like, yo.. we boutta kill the game, bruh.

there was this moment, though, while we were shooting. don't think I'll ever forget it. the camera crew of Goodboy was talking amongst themselves, Mike, D, Los and Penny were cracking jokes together, and I was waiting on set with my shades and my Moses cloak on, waiting to do another take, and I just took a step back...looked around, and realized... yeah. this is what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life. the camera crew, the cameras, the support system/posse, the fly ass wardrobe changes... this, right here. this is what I'm made for.

anyway, I can't wait for you guys to see it. I usually suck with social media and shit, but imma go all out on the marketing for this one.

this video is gonna be the beginning of my history. I can feel it.

 

-I.E.

bare.

so I'm in my room, and I'm hungry, because all I've eaten today was a bowl of oatmeal, and that was about 5 hours ago, so...I don't really think that counts anymore. anyway, I go to my fridge to view the options. I see a bag of tangerines, a gallon of water, an old onion, and some baking soda. I just had to stand there and laugh for a second. I had to laugh at myself, at my situation and at the fact that all I could hear in my head was, "BAKING SODA, I GOT BAKING SODA!" I closed the fridge, and now I'm back here, in my room, typing this to you.

I know artists aren't supposed to honest, and we're just supposed to front like everything is all good or whateverthefuck, but the struggle is so real right now. I have $79 to last me a week, and I'm surviving off of oriental flavored top ramen & canned foods. lol. I mean, it's not like any of this is new... I've been struggling my whole life. but for some reason, it's so much more uncomfortable now. I'm over this part. I'm ready for rich-nigga problems.

I could've chosen to stay in Cali, lived with my mom, and lived easy. I wouldn't have to worry about food, rent, or too much of anything, really. but if I would've done that, I wouldn't be here in New York struggling. and when we don't struggle, we don't grow. 

so I'll use this bareness as fuel, and I'll keep going hard everyday, and I'll keep prospering. and guaranteed, one day,  I'll be looking back at this blog post laughing, the same way I did at that fridge. God is using a very unique way to mold me, and I'm thankful for it. I'm faithful that everything I need is coming my way in His time, and it's coming soon.

...a nigga still hungry, doe.

- I.E.